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I have been friends with a woman, a person who's overcome many hardships, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she has been repeatedly caught off guard by people. Her husband ended their marriage, which came as an unexpected event. Many of close acquaintances vanished at that point, as they were only interested in the spouse. This surprised her. She put in increased attention in our friendship, likely understood better the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues of Disappearance

Over the years, several in her circle have drifted apart without her being knowing the cause. Her previous job turned on her, even though she had been an excellent employee, and she left unaware of the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Lately, both of us stepped back from work so we're spending frequent meetups, however, I feel the part I play in the relationship is to listen. I introduce subjects only for her to redirect the talk toward her own topics. Regarding political views, she has strong opinions. I attempt to suggest factchecking and alternate views.

She has been arranging a trip abroad I know well repeatedly even called home for a while. I attempted to share advice, however, my input unappreciated. She essentially only wanted me to confirm her decisions. I recently ended four weeks in that country and she wants to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I don't want to be a friend who cuts and runs without explanation, however, I feel she will ever comprehend the consequences of her behaviour on my confidence. Currently, I find myself in avoidance mode. What should I do?

Ways Forward

You could cut and run, but it is not often a smooth outcome we imagine. However, addressing it with the goal of working things out requires bravery and openness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Step one requires explaining how things go when you talk. Aim for this to be as factual as possible and essentially what a recording device would replay. Next is to express the way it affects you emotionally. Ideally, there's no disagreement about this. Emotions belong to you, after all. The third step is to ask ways you together can shift the interaction of your friendship."

Keep in mind that she also holds perspectives, thus requiring you to be prepared to hear that. One effective method involves stating your friend:

"Now you talk while I will not say anything for half an hour."

It's remarkably effective in fostering understanding.

Key Takeaways

She might reject your concerns, since certain individuals hold onto a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative about themselves they won't abandon because their very survival is tied to it being the only thing they've known. This poses a challenge as there is no thoroughfare here, just dead ends. But she may start out like this before reflecting on your words. And should you don't achieve a fix, it will give you satisfaction from having been truthful.